And so it ends

Two years ago, I wrote myself an email and used the wonders of the interwebs to have it sent to myself on this day–the day of my graduation. I looked forward to the email all morning, and when the cell towers managed to receive it, I opened it with trepidation.

I was afraid that the letter would only make me feel that I had let my past self down, but in fact Past-Me was far more concerned with providing me comfort and encouragement.

I pride myself on my ability to listen. I consider that my best self is when I am most selfless — an ear without a mouth, a soft comforter to listen to. But how rare it is that I think to listen to myself, and provide myself that same soft comfort.

Once a friend asked me “If you were a song, what song would you be?”

“Silence,” I replied after a long pause.

“Like the Sound of Silence? The Simon and Garfunkle song?”

“No… Just silence. So I could hear all the songs that were going on around me.”

Upon receiving this email, I’ve realized sometimes it’s quite nice to listen to the words of someone who shares your strangeness, to hear in them the echoes of truth just where you need to hear it. Someone who knows you perfectly well. Listening to yourself.

Without further ado, the abridged Lenter to my Future Self.

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on July 03, 2013. It is being delivered from the past through

Dear Future Me,

Congratulations! (You graduated, right? What a terrible email to receive if we’re not graduating!)

Know that you are an inspiration to me. You are the woman I fight for every day. You are my work-further-in-progress goals and hopes.

Right now, I (that is to say, we?) am halfway through college. Successful so far, but ever so hopeful that success doesn’t end with the last triumph. A book is still an ever-present dream. Every day we write, we make it possible for God to work through us again and give us meaningful words to share.

Oh God.

He has been so merciful. He has blessed me in every way — at school, at work, with family, with friends. He has led me with so much patience. No matter what happens, keep talking to your Father of Confession. He is on your team, the one led by your guardian angel, the one that protects you and helps you grow closer to God.

Be bigger on the inside. And knowing us, the ridiculously active imagination in that head of ours… it gets us in to trouble sometimes, but get it under control and we will always be bigger on the inside in the best way!

I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I hope today there’s a lot of bliss, but I’m concerned you might be afraid. I don’t want to ever be afraid. You believe in God. Believe that He believes in you too. Believes in you as in, He believes in your potential to be great, and great for HIM!

He is going to bless you exceedingly and abundantly above what even *your* imagination could come up with.

Keep being a romantic, especially for other people’s love stories.

Give your family attention and kisses. Fill them up with as much love as you can — you know they need it, the way they spread their love around. Pray for your parents daily. They are so precious.

There’s so many people to love and think of.

We are so very blessed, Maria. So very very blessed.

I hope this email finds you well.

Past Self


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